Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Hijacking Aquarius

I've spent the majority of my life gathering and listening to information that might hopefully lead me to my destiny, and if not that; then at least to a better understanding of myself and my place in the cosmos.  I studied the usual course of subjects for the spiritual seeker, and developed an interest in astrology, and the tarot.  The tarot is like a language of symbols which represent human archetypes and the attributes, qualities & tendencies of the human species, and how they all interact and relate to each other.

I haven't had a deck of tarot cards in my hands for a few years; but that didn't lessen the impact on my consciousness on June 14th when I watched the newsreel of the Grenfell tower fire in London.  There before my astonished eyes, live on the television was the real life manifestation of the 16th major arcana card; "The Tower." 


In general terms this card represents the energy of chaos and destruction as precursor to transmutation and rebirth.  It was originally called the blasted tower sometimes because it denotes failure, ruin, wrath, destruction and of course, defeat.  As one of the 22 major arcana cards it is of archetypical power. The Grenfell fire was accurate to the tarot card art, right down to the bodies falling and jumping from the burning tower.    

Staring stunned at the video on my computer screen I immediately understood this to be a planned event of the illuminati as a symbolic manifestation of their endgame agenda.  Marking a special day in their history for them to celebrate.  What is this special event, and what does it mean for us?  The special event is that their hijacking of the age of Aquarius is now complete; and what it means for us is things are about to get kicked up a couple levels as they roll out the endgame scenario to lock everything (and everyone) down.  The Grenfell fire was the funeral pyre for the age of Aquarius.  R.I.P.

Such a feat wasn't accomplished overnight; and it wasn't cheap or easy, they've been at it for many years, working on every front, leaving nothing to chance.  They remember the 60's too, and knew they had to take the general population out of the equation.  That's why they came up with these pacification technologies such as HAARP, GWEN towers, Chemtrails, GMO food-like-products and water full of fluoride.  


At the same time they were waging a massive campaign aimed at those born between 1980 & 1995, the Gen-X'ers: because they knew you'd outnumber baby boomers and could actually take over and run things if you ever once figured out what was going on. So an entire generation became targets of mass distraction, propaganda, & the advent of social media.  You let them steal your power from you, and trick you into not realizing it. 

When there's so much going on that ain't right, & ain't ever gonna be right, a great many Gen-X-ers  just turned their backs on politics and materialism, exactly as planned.  When you hit a brick wall that won't let you pass, it's so much easier to give up, quit caring. Add all these things together and perhaps it's easier to understand why suicides nationally are at a 30 year high!

The age of Aquarius is supposed to be the golden age of human enlightenment when we finally outgrow, and overcome hatred, war, greed, and the need for violence.  It is supposed to be a time of planetary unity and equality.  Most of all I believe it is also the time when we finally honor and respect our living planet mother, Gaia, and cease exploiting her and treating her like a garbage disposal. 


in 1970 I was in the Navy, doing my service to country gig, and spent most all my enlistment at sea.  Every day at the same time all of the ships garbage was tossed overboard without so much as a second thought as to what damage it might do to the oceans.  Multiply that amount of garbage by every ship in all the worlds Navies doing the same thing every single day.  It is still happening today, all over the world.  Add to this mess all of the toxic materials illegally dumped in the worlds oceans and you begin to get an idea of just how ignorant we are as a species.

Yup, I'm gonna talk about the Voldemort of man made disasters again, because from now on any conversation about our dear Gaia must certainly include the Fukushima effect, and the increasingly horrid future it points to.  Yet nobody does talk about it, because evidently we believe we can just wish it away by ignoring it.  Here's a science tip for those who think that way: The only way to make Fukushima go away is with a time machine.

There is a real crime against humanity happening in Japan because not only are they doing absolutely nothing to stop, fix, or seal those melted down reactors; they're actually dumping millions of gallons of radioactive cooling water directly into the pacific ocean every single day.  For those with underdeveloped imaginations; what that means is in 30 years we'll see dead oceans devoid of life.  I want you to ponder on that for a couple of minutes; we're a generation away from  that exact nightmare.

Let's not forget to consider the air, because those melted down reactors have essentially
become Mt. Fukushima, earths first radioactive volcano; spewing untold amounts of deadly radioactivity into earths atmosphere 24/7 for the last six years.  When you factor in the half-life of radioactive materials you will understand that this is permanent for the next few hundred thousand years or so unless we figure out how to stop it and/or cap the damn thing.  So, in 2048 when earth's oceans no longer harbor life of any consequence; what can we expect from an atmosphere which becomes more radioactive every year as Mt. Fukushima continues to erupt unabated?  


 Hydraulic fracturing has been a tool of the oil industry going as far back as the mid to late 1940's; with a massive increase and interest in the late 60's.  Basically they pump a wellhead full of all manner of nasty stuff under immense pressure, resulting in the fracturing of the oil laden shale, making it easier and cheaper to get the oil and/or gas out.  Despite all the well documented cases where this fracking results in poisoned and flammable drinking water; the number of fracking wells increases like some bizarre infestation across the land. 

Every bare spot is a Fracking Pad

Over the last few years mounting evidence has repeatedly shown that in addition to the flammable poisoned tap water, fracking also causes earthquakes near the operations.  Not just the occasional earthquake here and there, but earthquake swarms with epicenters smack in the middle of fracking country.  Still the fracking pads increase in number like a pox; with a cone of silence around the subject except for a few documentary film makers, and websites like Suspicious Observers trying to crack thru that cone of silence.


Our collective silence about such issues as these gives the perpetrators, and regular traitors tacit approval.  So, why DO we remain silent about corporate rape of the planet so the 1% can enrich themselves at the expense of future generations?  Why do you remain silent?  There was a time in this country when the streets were filled with protestors who shut down cities with their righteous indignation.  That was before they poisoned our food, and began spraying us like garden pests.  Streets full of pissed off people is what scares the 1% silly.  It's why they never show newsreels of that kind of protest in Russia, Finland, and other countries; they don't want us getting any ideas & growing a pair!  Most of all they want all of us to forget that this country was formed and forged in the fires of bloody revolution. 

What we permit, will persist.  Atrocities we let go unchallenged will become the norm.

"Anything else you're interested in is not going to happen
if you can't breathe the air and drink the water. 
Don't sit this one out.  Do Something!
You are by accident of fate alive at
 an absolutely critical moment
in the history of our planet."
                                                     ~ Carl Sagan~

An enlightened species does not treat its homeworld like a toilet, and does not put those in power who seek to remove existing environmental safeguards from our established laws. Trump's backward march to bring back the coal industry, is simply more proof of his chronic mental illness.


Senator John McCain has tried 13 times to give away Apache sacred ground at Oak Flat Arizona to his top supporter Rio Tinto mining conglomerate; and was defeated each time.  Then in a particularly nasty & underhanded way (even for congress) McCain secretly added it at the last minute to a must pass 1600 page defense spending bill, just before the vote.  So, with that treasonous act the former prisoner of war got what he wanted, and just fuck everyone who disagrees.  It's how the government has always dealt with the Apaches.

Trump did essentially the same thing with the oil pipeline at Standing Rock in North Dakota, because he has a financial interest in that project.  Then he bought all the steel pipe sections from Russia; after promising the job would be done with all American steel.  Yes sir it was an all American steal alright; from someone whose promises are as empty as his soul.


 At a time when the population is demanding honesty and transparency from our politicians we instead are offered up a steady stream of smoke screens, fake news, and outright bold faced lies.  As Trumps criminal cartel of thieves come under investigation...the administration creates street theater for the masses; while behind the scenes the real crimes are being committed around the clock, as if they sense they may not be there very long.

They're muddying the waters with totally scripted political street theater of the absurd to keep the peasants enthralled & full of fear and loathing; as the Trump Kleptocracy is busy behind the smoke screen emptying the coffers and rolling environmental safeguards back to the 80's ... the 1880's!

Almost from Trump's first day in office there have been numerous "leaks" of secret inside information to the press.  The kind of information that shows Trump for what he really is.  He lies, and patriots within the system blow the whistle on him.  Trump then has the unmitigated audacity to label those who point out his crimes & lies as criminals!! 


You can't just turn truth on its head whenever it disagrees with you...the things people are leaking about are the crimes, NOT the act of blowing the whistle.  The very act of blowing the whistle is what policemen used to do to draw attention to a criminal, before arresting them.  Nowadays the criminals are elected to office and are the captains of industry, while "whistleblowers" are evil traitors for snitching on the truly guilty.

The Republicant's complained for eight years that Obama was unqualified for the presidency because of his lacking experience in government; but they let Trump off the hook every time saying "He doesn't know how things work".  That is just plain & simple Bullshit for the plain & simple, because those employing critical thought processes reject such absurdity.  Spin doctors; we used to just call them liars


 Trump has twice recently asked ministers if Presbyterians were Christians??  The man doesn't even understand the religion he is pretending to be part of!!

The white house is in such chaos & panic that Trump's lawyer, just lawyered up himself!

Not wanting to be caught chair-less when the music stops; Jared Kushner just added a criminal defense attorney to his legal team.

In a new development this week, the white house is no longer allowing Sean Spicer's news conferences to be televised.  No cameras at the press conference, and no recordings of Spicer's voice; what a Trumptonian concept!

 "Freedom is something that dies
  unless it is used." Hunter S. Thompson.

Emperor Trump's ego is such that he requires emergency flattery sessions like the one his staff was subjected to last week, the viewing of which is appalling [video below]. This is the kind of demented antic we're used to seeing from North Korea's diminutive ego manic.  Yet Trump insists on the frequent expression of loyalty, flattery and praise as he boasts about being the most productive president ever. 

Again and again; cops who assassinate young black men are systematically found not guilty; while a young woman who texted her boyfriend into suicide is found guilty.  If you're still expecting justice in this place; when you go looking for it all you will find is just us!  It is up to US, we the people, to RESIST this fascist takeover.   Evidently just saying "I was in fear for my life" is sufficient to exonerate these executioners in blue of murder charges and either return them to duty or civilian life.

That is an exceedingly lame & hollow defense because police officers are trained to respond responsibly in tense and dangerous situations.  They are armed to the teeth and conditioned to control whatever situation they encounter.  Therefore I reject the claim of being in fear for their lives as simply being too ludicrous to have any merit whatsoever.

It has now become very clear that the police policy across this nation is that if young black males are involved, the cops empty their guns upon getting out of their cruisers.  The fact that almost every cop who does is 'exonerated' of any wrong doing is alarming.  Ponder on this a moment then ask yourself why they are doing this over and over, every week in America.  They're trying to ignite a race war.  "They" have been setting the stage for years, always adding plenty of dry tinder; and now they're trying to ignite the conflagration.  It is as much a part of their endgame strategy as the London tower fire


 The power elite who believe they own us; are best represented by Henry Kissinger when he referred to the earth's population as "useless eaters."  You should perhaps ponder that for a moment to let its full impact sink in.  We are a means to an end for them, and they care not a single miserable whit for any of us who don't share the bloodline of the eight families.  They created the 40 hour work week, better known as the rat race as a means of enslaving us with invisible chains.  They also made up the American dream as the carrot at the end of a stick to keep us locked into an endless chase of an unobtainable goal.

The rat race is designed in such a way, that the more money you make, the more it takes to live, and the more they take from you each payday.  You never quite get ahead no matter how hard you try, hence, the rat race.  Now of course the plan includes letting us be just prosperous enough to buy more oil consuming machines with which to recreate, whether it be a boat, camper, or matching motorcycles; because those things give the illusion of prosperity, and make the neighbors think you are better off than they are.

The other reason we're allowed to have a few nice things, and make a little headway up the social ladder is to keep us locked into the perpetual struggle of the rat race.  The more nice shit you have, and the cushier your existence, the less you will be willing to join in any protest movements; because you don't want to risk loosing what little you actually have. You know this is a powerful force that binds us to their will when you realize just how fucked up they have made this world with their greed and lust for violence, and for the most part the rats just keep running the race, they just put on blinders and earbuds so they don't have to see or hear disturbing things that sicken their souls.  Don't sound much like freedom to me.


 At some point life must fundamentally be about something more than your third quarter profits and retirement fund.  Many are perhaps compelled into silent inaction out of that fear of loosing what little comfort and security they've managed to create.  Knowing as we do (on the unconscious level) that the nail sticking up gets hammered back down may indeed motivate the silence of the lambs.

Once we sought the wisdom of life from wise ones and prophets as a guiding light showing us how to be human in this place.  Nowadays we can only hear the profits of margin and motive speaking to us because the hijackers of Aquarius have drowned out or killed off all other avatars.

Do you recall how during the days following 9/11, the media kept bombarding us relentlessly with the horrific images and videos from that day?  They did that for at least two distinct reasons. First, to get us really pissed off at the ones being blamed for it; and secondly to induce something the experts call psychic numbing which intercepts & interrupts critical thought processes.  I think it's important to recognize this tactic, because they're doing it again right now with the wall to wall terror incidents happening every day somewhere across the planet.  These constant attacks are intended to wear us down to where we're too numb to it all to act, much less be in touch with our feelings about it. 

Humans tend to resist change until the pain
of remaining the same becomes unbearable

We humans sure seem to  be wired the wrong way.  We see something like Fukushima looming death & misery for the next 100,000 years and we ignore it.  We put it out of our minds and don't think or speak of it.  That tactic worked well as kids, because the monster under the bed was never real.  Pulling the covers over our heads and pretending Fukushima never happened will have a very ugly reality check for an awful lot of people.

Yes, bad wiring indeed.  Even when we can see & understand that we need to make serious changes in our lives; we don't follow thru.  Instead we ignore it, put it off for a better time.  We will stay in a bad job or toxic relationship simply because we fear making changes.  Mostly we stay this way our entire lives, until at long last we become so miserable with suffering, then we embrace change.  What I'm saying here is we no longer have the luxury of time.  Our "owners" are bringing things to a boil, the signs are all around us whether we choose to see them or not.  The time for us to change is now and we must change all together with a single unified voice so that we may speak truth to power.

There is a proven way to affect the change we all want to see, it's just that the vast majority are totally unwilling to actually do anything that might adversely affect their perceived comfort and security.  First we must as a group decide to educate ourselves, then totally boycott all businesses and products owned by those who assume ownership over us.  Words, truth & passion have no meaning for the power elite who subjugate us; but their money sure as hell does, so what say we interrupt their cash flow by refusing to purchase their crap. 



The next step after that is to take it to the streets; disrupt the flow of traffic & business with massive protests.  Shut it down, and not just for a day or weekend-shut it down for a week or more every month.  Hit them where it hurts, their cherished money!

The recent cycle of national elections around the globe has revealed an interesting if not unsettling pattern; the emergence of the "populist" candidates, such as Donald Trump, who against the odds get elected (or selected.)  They all sing the same tune, and want the same things, which is generally speaking, very bad for the rest of us.

By now it is a well documented and unilaterally agreed upon fact that the Russians conducted  sophisticated cyber attacks on our country in order to influence the outcome of the 2016 presidential election.  It happened, its a fact.  This by definition, is a serious attack upon America; and the first job of the president is to defend the nation from that threat.  The fact that Donald Trump colluded with the Russians to get himself elected is an act of treason.  Simple as that. 


 I think it's time to bring an end to this national disgrace and political charade once and for all.  We're not laughing anymore. Investigate, Impeach, Imprison.  Toss out Trump's election, along with everyone associated with or placed in office by him...and have a new election, start from scratch and just do it over.  It's ugly, yes, but it also happens to be the only sane, equable solution.  Unless that is you're all fine with having a president placed in office by the Russians.  Want an eye opener? search "Russia protests" on the YouTube.  There you will see plenty of incentive for Putin to hack our political system.

The spin doctors with their doublespeak, smoke screens & alternative facts are doing everything to keep us from remembering two simple facts.  Donald J. Trump is guilty of treason; and In this country, treason while at war is punishable by firing squad.  That will make for great ratings during sweeps week...I'd even do pay-per-view as long as the proceeds went to a reputable charity!

America turns 241 years old in a couple of weeks, and  I don't see all that much to celebrate about now that Obama's internet troll is the president.  Silently seething with inner rage over the embarrassment of his "birther" debacle; Trump is motivated primarily by undoing everything worthwhile Obama managed to accomplish while also enriching himself.

Now, to be sure I've had my issues with Obama over his sadistic use of drone warfare, the failure to close Gitmo, and other stuff; but Trump is showing us all just how bad a Prissydent he intends to be, and every day the dumpster fire grows bigger with no relief in sight.  So, no we really have nothing to feel good or brag about this 4th of July except we're getting all the fireworks early.

In the dictionary destiny is found
between destination and destitute

This week yet another Hollywood star made the news for a bad taste joke about harm coming to Trump when Johnny Depp joked about John Wilkes Booth, & actors killing presidents.  Just another sign that an epidemic of reality cramps is making its way across this confused country.  Trump can speak in all seriousness about dropping nukes as a diplomatic act and nobody gets upset; but if an actor or comedian or even Joe citizen even insinuates harming Trump in any way, suddenly everyone (who controls the media) is outraged, demanding blood.  Is this to be our destiny?

I think the things we choose to learn and make part of our belief system are supposed to take, or more appropriately, lead us somewhere, perhaps even to our own individual destiny or karma.  I don't see that going on.  What I see is we're all learning basically the same general sets of data and information; then finding unique ways to package & market it to each other for fun and profit.  I guess I'm feeling disappointed because especially in light of issues discussed here, I thought by now we would be finding each other and using what we've learned to build the infrastructure for the promised new age of enlightenment.  The song never said anything about having to fight hijackers every inch of the way on the road to Aquarius.

© 2017 full re-post with permission only




"Aquarius" 5th Dimension ~ 1969


Fracking Earthquakes
 report from Suspicious Observers


Trumps mandatory cabinet flattery session 


~Related Augureye Posts~



Monday, June 5, 2017

I Weep for the Future

I spent the recent memorial day weekend visiting at length with my daughter & grand-daughter on their annual trip down from Alaska.  They both work for the same corporation, and twice a year fly south to do inventory at the headquarters in Washington state.  So once a year they add a few days to the trip to visit me, and it is always the highlight of my year.

There was much to celebrate this year as my daughter just finished her MBA, and is at long last free from schoolwork.  I've silently followed her academic quest with much admiration because thru a gauntlet of significant diversions & distractions; she never lost her focus or passion.

We were skimming thru the offerings on the cable box when she noticed they were airing the recent movie "Deepwater Horizon" and she asked if I'd seen it.  I replied in the affirmative, adding I wasn't sure how close to the actual truth it was with regards to corporate responsibility.  As it turns out my daughter chose that disaster as the subject for a major paper she wrote for her masters degree.  (Auguring runs in the family) The many hours of research devoted to the project left my daughter with a singularly vehement dislike for all things BP.

It is an unspoken yet mutually agreed upon thing that out of respect; I do not mention,  bring up, or rant about the six year old ongoing disaster at Fukushima, Japan to my daughter; considering she continues to live just downwind & downstream from the gushing volcano of radioactivity.  She has her reasons and I not only respect them, I also agree with most of them.   That being said, however, I simply could not resist a sole, lonely comment upon hearing of her hatred of BP..."Now you know how I feel about Tepco!"

We're All Dying Down Here

There is this very loud and contrived 'dispute' over global warming going on in the contrived media brainwashing campaign to direct our thinking.  Yes, it is a very real problem we face in the future, and yes we should be doing more about it than leaving the Paris climate agreement.  Compared to the ongoing Fukushima nuclear volcano, climate change and global warming are simply less immediate threats.  Yet the media blackout on Fukushima rages on as the radiation engulfs the planet and contaminates the food chain. They're using global warming and other issues to confuse and enrage us while nothing whatsoever is being done (or said) about Fukushima.  Just because nobody talks about the continually spewing radioactivity poisoning our air and oceans, does not mean it has stopped; does not mean it has been fixed.

For reasons known only to herself comedian Kathy Griffith recently committed career suicide by posting a photo of herself holding Trump's bloody severed head.  Of course it became a huge controversy about how nobody should show such disgusting things; as the worldwide media continually ran the image just to be sure every child on earth got offended.  Of course the short fingered vulgarian cried foul and lathered everyone up into a real stew over it.  That's one of the things I most despise about Trump: he can dish it out but he sure can't take it.  He say's whatever he wants about anyone without regard for morality or truth; but if anyone criticizes him he becomes a whiny little bitch & cries foul.  He's foul alright, and oh so wrong.


 Cancer cases are rising exponentially up & down pacific west coast of America.  I personally have lost three friends to cancer in just six years, and several more friends have come down with it.  Long before any solution is figured out we will ALL have cancer in one form or another.  Especially so if you are still eating seafood, or live near the Pacific ocean.

Trump & his hand picked team of plunder monkeys are systematically stripping away all the common sense progress we've made over the last several years.  Trump's speech about pulling out of the Paris accords contained not one single shred of truth.  Every single thing he said about the Paris accords was a bold faced lie, every "fact" made up, and every claim simply untrue. 

Why won't anybody challenge Trump on all his many lies?

Any ten year old with an internet account can fact check Trump into oblivion in 15 minutes; so what's up with the vaunted fourth estate, what does it have to say for itself?  Professional journalism is supposed to keep the politicians honest by printing truth and attacking lies.  They're doing it backwards; printing lies and attacking the truth.

The last few weeks have seen a marked upsurge of "terror" around the planet.  "They" are ramping up the madness with almost daily terror attacks and other events associated with the mayhem, to increase our fear & feelings of dread and to erode our faith in the future.  It's beginning to look like an apocalyptic nightmare in the making.

"They each ignored all of the evidence, and together reached the same delusion"
                                                                                                                 ~Bill Maher~



So Twitler was beginning another post about how mean everyone is to him then mysteriously ended the aborted tweet with "Covfefe" leaving the pundits & other talking heads to wonder what it meant.  As if it actually matters, almost as if it had significance.  I cannot imagine how none of the word monkeys have figured it out yet.  It took me all of five minutes to decode the mystery scribble.

COVFEFE is the acronym for Trump's personal religion:
Criminals Over Victims Fuck Evolution Fuck Everybody

From Trump's first day in office  the war on science and the environment has  been in full swing.  The long embattled oil pipeline at Standing Rock began pumping oil last week, and almost immediately there were several leaks.  Trump has a financial interest in that pipeline, and pushed to get it done and working no matter how many native Americans protested.  He bragged the pipeline would be built with American steel, then bought all the pipeline sections from...Russia!

"The truth will set you free ~ but first it will just piss you off"

All living creatures have a sense for survival which is governed by something known as a discount rate.  Having nothing to do with purchase power, the discount rate determines how quickly a species recognizes, and responds to danger.  In this scenario we use the word discount to mean ignoring or discrediting a threat.  By way of example; Rabbits and other defenseless creatures flee at the slightest hint of a predator.  They do not wait around to see what will happen when they see the wolf, they run, because they know what the wolf is.  Rabbits have a very low discount rate because they ignore few threats.

Humans on the other hand have the highest discount rate.  In our case "the wolf" is Fukushima...1000% lethal threat to all humanity, and we elect as a species to ignore it, hoping it will just go away or pretending it never happened.  We're doing the exact same thing with several other threats to our continued survival as well.  Nuclear proliferation, GMO food-like-products, chemtrails, fracking, wars, and global warming.  We have no shortage of dire threats to human survival, and we're just regarding them as we might a summer rain.

There are gaps of over 80 million years in the fossil records of our planet; that's a long period of time to have no knowledge of what happened!  I sometimes wonder what life was like on Earth during those millions and millions of years and what kinds of truths are being kept from us by "Forbidden Archeology" and its code of silence.  The way things are going since our hacked election gave the worlds worst human being the presidency; I have nightmares about what a future without science and conscience will be like, when all good things are cast aside by avarice.  It makes my soul weep.

© 2017 full re-post with permission only 




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Thursday, June 1, 2017

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Looking Death Right in the Eye

Last week the city of San Francisco announced the future plans for upgrading the Golden Gate Bridge with a suicide prevention net.  Its about time; considering it is the most popular suicide spot on the planet!

Between 1937 & 2012; over sixteen hundred bodies were pulled out of the bay resulting from self termination.  In just the first six months of last year 88 people chose to end their life right there on the bridge.  The 240 foot drop to the water has a 98% kill rate.  The announcement of the suicide net went on to say the "net" will be made of stainless steel mesh and located some 20 feet below the walkway.  The given logic was that suicidal people want to end it all, not break a few bones in a non-lethal fall, so they'll go elsewhere.  Nice to know the city prefers to make life harder instead of helping them.
I hope they will at least fix the suicide hotline phone on the bridge in the upgrade.
             

Teenagers and young adults under 30 are the most frequent jumpers; no doubt inspired by depression, despair, disillusionment and unbearable emotional pain.  In a good many of these cases the lack of coping skills drove people to seek the most permanent solution to a temporary problem; so they took the leap and became just another statistic for all who never knew them.

I think we have become "comfortably numb" to death; what with its daily dominance in the news across the face of our little blue world.  We've had to harden our hearts more and more just to continue functioning in an increasingly dysfunctional society.  When it comes to death we tend to avoid thinking about it until we're staring it right in the eye. 

"Its Only Life After All"
  ~Indigo Girls~

It's all about LIFE; that which we prize above all else, indeed that which encompasses all else.  Without noticing it we can get complacent and slip into a mindset that takes life and our participation in it for granted...that is until a close call on the interstate or some other impacting event snaps us back into reality. 

Just such an event came crashing into my personal reality a few months ago when my best friend broke the news that his wife has an aggressive and fast moving cancer. 


Ivan & Martha were literally among the very first people I met upon moving to California 17 years ago.  We use the term kismet when speaking of those with whom we feel exceptionally strong ties that go deeper than just being friends.  It's like that with the three of us.

You know how very often the spouse of a good friend is just part of that friendship?  This ain't like that at all. The very first thing I noticed about Ivan and Martha is that they are what I call authentic people; not counterfeit, phony or aloof in any way.  They are both strong and dynamic individuals; and I consider myself to be double blessed to have each of them as a friend.  I like to think that I have distinct, separate and individual friendships with each of them; as well as with them as a couple.

While Ivan pursues a career in technology and engineering, Martha has made a career in the hospitality industry; and is employed at one of the areas premier upscale Inn's with a Michelin Star chef and an international reputation.  Every other week Martha would tell me about meeting this celebrity or that famous person at work.  Knowing my feelings about the man, she wisely waited till he'd gone to tell me Trump had recently been there.

Martha is one of those people who is always smiling, always has something positive to say about nearly anything, and who is always making you laugh at her wit and wisdom.  She is also a virtuoso in the kitchen being an accomplished nutritionist and cook.  She eats right, lives right, runs the Human Race marathon every year, and works out at the gym twice a week.  Probably the healthiest person I know, and absolutely the very last person on earth to deserve getting cancer.  Upon learning she would have to undergo chemotherapy sessions, her immediate response was to change her hair color from brown to purple, just to put the cancer on notice!


I had my own bout with cancer a few years back, but I don't call myself a cancer survivor because it was skin cancer, and on my big Roman nose.  A few passes with the laser scalpel and it was gone, leaving me with a disfigured nose and yet another harrowing trip to the VA hospital.  I didn't have "real" cancer; the kind that takes over your life and feeds off your hopes and dreams as it eats you alive. 

A little over a year ago the upstairs apartment went vacant at the same time Martha and Ivan were looking for a new place.  The entire time we've known each other we've never lived in the same town, always 30 to 40 miles away, so I didn't get to see them as much once I traded my truck for a wheel chair.  Having them living upstairs is great, especially at times like this when family draws closer together.  They're my adopted family.

When I first learned of Martha's cancer diagnosis I was actually more Godsmacked than if it had been me getting the Big C.  I get almost daily updates on Martha and it seems like a whirlwind that won't let any of us catch our breath for a minute.  I fixed her up with a tablet full of movies for when she was at chemotherapy, something to keep me from feeling utterly helpless & useless in her darkest hours.

I must have prodded Martha to write a blog just enough times, because last week she took the plunge and began a blog for family and friends to keep us all up to date, etc.  I always suspected she would be a good writer, and none too surprised to see I was right.

"I've been informed by my OBGYN Oncologist that my cancer is not ever going away, I will always have this cancer and inevitably I will die from it.  It's aggressive and is growing at a rate we need to control, and then maintain with the right treatment."


 Having recently finished chemotherapy, Martha now has three different treatment paths ahead, and must choose which one she feels will be best.  Actually her choices are down to two different clinical trials, and trying a different kind of chemotherapy.  She feels chemo didn't help before so that its a last ditch option for her now.  So she must pick one of the trials to take part in. 

"The decision is actually very hard. I am in panic mode, what if I don't do the right treatment?  What if the cancer gets more advanced than it is after I begin treatment.  I am literally trying to beat the clock, my cancer is growing; causing me issues and pain I can't describe, (please don't ask me to)"

From the day Martha was diagnosed I've been watching my two friends deal with this turn of events; seeing in each of them, strengths previously untested, and a steely eyed determination to fight back against this cancer with dignity and love.  Martha has accrued a following of friends numbering in the hundreds who know her from work, the gym, or where ever.  Being such a social person, who loves people; she in turn is loved and admired by every one of them.


"I want all of you to know I am Okay.  I am still strong, positive, me and moving forward.  Please respect my wishes and don't tell me things I already know, or try to sway me to something not medically proven, I am all about a healthy lifestyle, believe me."

Beyond my own minor brush with skin cancer I've really never had such direct exposure to it, and feel totally helpless most all of the time.  What I can do is to keep sending her lots of pure white light, saying that she should apply as/where needed.  It is most difficult to see someone you love go thru this process and to feel totally helpless; wanting to do anything that you know will help. 

This Woman just can't catch a break

Every time there has been a glimmer of hope or good news, it seems to go south.  Every time I get an update from Ivan, the news is a bit darker and harsher than what we all wanted to hear.  The hope throughout the chemo process is that the cancer would go into remission, removing the need for harsher measures such as radiation.  Chemo didn't work, and now my friend is running her own Boston marathon; in a race for life itself, staring death right in the eye every day.



 For someone as socially active as Martha, having to be homebound is like a prison sentence on top of having the cancer to deal with.  I know a little something about that what with having lost the use of my legs to atherosclerosis three years ago, and being essentially homebound ever since.  We share this nice duplex house on a steep hillside full of redwood and hemlock trees.  After a while of not being able to leave the property, all those trees begin to look more like prison bars than anything else. 

"Another thing I must ask you not to say to me is that I am going to beat this. (I don't mean to offend) I am so overwhelmed with advice and false hopes as I am truly running this hard core race.  I just ask for your support at this time."

When I read the words above I felt really bad, because I have been telling her from day one she would beat this.  It wasn't just idle chatter to sound positive.  Martha is a very strong willed and dynamic person who is normally very positive and optimistic.  She knows the power of positive thinking and how to use it, so when I read those words I knew she has crossed the Rubicon.   Martha is doing this strictly on her own terms, not backing down an inch.  I think there is a distinct difference between "giving up" and accepting reality as it is.  There's no quit in this lady, and no denial either...just a ton of dignity.

"I may never see the finish line, but I can keep track of my miles and just keep going at my own pace; starting over if need be, and helping others on my path."

I mentioned that helpless feeling; of not being able to do anything to help someone we love who is undergoing a life threatening challenge.  It is our human nature to want to help; but we must temper that with the wisdom that in such times people are going thru what is in their spirits highest and best good; for reasons we may never get to understand.  When Martha is the focus of my prayers I always ask source and the universe to align my energies in harmony with her highest and best good, and the journey she is on.


Before they moved in upstairs I didn't get to see my friends very often, and for a little over a year now that has changed, as Martha keeps insisting on having me up for dinner and socializing a couple times a week.  That has changed too now, as she is having more bad days than good regarding the pain and discomfort she experiences.  She can still get out and about pretty good, just not every day like is her normal.  When I do get to see Martha; I can see in her eyes what this cancer is doing to her.  Martha's body is being consumed by this ravenous disease, but her eyes tell me it will never get as much as a taste of her soul.

It isn't so much about ignoring the cancer as if it wasn't there.  It is more about not allowing it to take over your life and become all of what you are about.  I've had one or two close calls with death, but never was tested by having to stare it down every day upon awakening like Martha is doing with such grace and dignity.
 
"In about 6 months my organs will start to shut down;
 so I really don't have the time to waste."

I got to visit with Ivan for almost an hour early last night; Martha had just fallen asleep despite the pain she was in.  He brought me up to date, and it was the first time I heard him use the word terminal when speaking of Martha's cancer ... it kinda shook my soul a little ... I wasn't ready to hear that despite knowing it, as he does.

I've lost friends to cancer before; but I've never been this close to the day by day living thru it with someone...never been in the loop before.


Ivan returned upstairs when we heard Martha up and moving about; an hour later he texted me from the hospital.  These late night runs to the hospital are like a minefield for hope.  You just get to harboring and nurturing some optimistic, hopeful thoughts about remission and seeing your friend be another cancer survivor; then its another midnight run.  They were still there this morning, she was admitted last night.

Not knowing is the worst.
and waiting, its also the worst.

Every day it seems we have people being shot dead on facebook, and in Fresno, for no reason beyond an expression of insanity.  In a very real way we are all, every last one of us, looking death right in the eye whenever we leave the safety of home and venture into this increasingly insane world.

BART trains held up due to a suicide threat at a 'terminal,' another tormented soul turned away from the golden gate.  How very surreal it is to see some people so despondent they can't wait end their life while watching another fight with everything she has to keep hers.  Wouldn't you think life is so precious that each of us has an equal respect for it? 

~The Fukushima Factor~

Talking about death and having cancer makes some folks uneasy, so does talking about Fukushima radiation pummeling the Pacific coast for six years now; but when our beaches are lined with the corpses of hundreds of whales & sea lions and with the incidence of cancer in the population of western states steadily rising - it's time to talk about it.  Even if we can do nothing to alter this reality, talking about it is still better and healthier than just ignoring it.

Just in the last two years I can recall Ivan and Martha telling me about the number of folks they know who have also come down with cancer where they used to live.  What does the federal government do in the face of all these rising cancer cases?  Why they increase the minimum safe levels of radiation exposure, of course.  As for myself, well I'd already lost about all the hair I was going to years ago; but nowadays when I brush my hair, the brush comes away full of hair.  Lots of hair.  So that's just another confirmation. 

If you live in the west, do you sometimes get a momentary sharp pain or burning sensation thru torso shoulders and feet?  Do you get unexplained little micro-headaches only lasting seconds, a few times a week?  If so there is an excellent chance those are hot particles from Fukushima zipping thru you.  Now you know.

Whether it be from global warming, Fukushima, or the Trump presidency; whether it comes slowly or quickly- we're all looking death right in the eye!  Death is the one great equalizer. We're all in this thing called life together, and none of us will get out alive; the only thing that matters is how we meet that inevitable end.  When we do stare death right in the eye will we do so in abject fear, or with a degree of dignity?

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